LIFE TOGETHER Parents and Children: WORD

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise),

Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you. EXO 20:12

Keritot 28a:29

Likewise, mention of the father precedes that of the mother almost everywhere in the law, as in the verse: “Honor your father and your mother” (Exo 20:12). One might have thought that itis due to the fact that the honor of the father takes precedence over the honor of the mother. Therefore, the verse states: “Every one of you shall revere his mother and his father” (Lev 19:3), with the order reversed, which teaches that both of them are equal. But the Sages said: Honor of the father takes precedence over honor of the mother everywhere, due to the fact that both the son and his mother are obligated in the honor of his father.

Kiddushin 30b:18

The Sages taught that it is stated: “Honor your father and your mother” (Exo 20:12), and it is stated: “Honor the Lord with your wealth” (Pro 3:9). In this manner, the verse equates the honor of one’s father and mother to the honor of the Omnipresent, as the term “honor” is used in both cases.

Rashi

That your days may be long—If you honor them your days will be long, and if not, they will be shortened—for the words of the law may be explained as concise statements: from what is included in a positive statement we may infer the negative and from what is included in a negative statement we may infer the positive (Mekhilta d’Rabbi Yishmael 20:12:2).

You know the commandments: “Do not commit adultery, Do not murder, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Honor your father and mother.” LUK 18:20

“Cursed be anyone who dishonors his father or his mother.” And all the people shall say, “Amen.” DEU 27:16

Rashi

מַקְלֶה means, “making light of,” it has the same meaning as Deu 25:3 “your brother be degraded.”

If one curses his father or his mother,

his lamp will be put out in utter darkness. PRO 20:20

Rashi

If one curses . . . his lamp will be put out in utter darkness—When the darkness becomes blacker and blacker—when evil befalls him.

4 For God commanded, “Honor your father and your mother,” and, “Whoever reviles father or mother must surely die.”

5 But you say, “If anyone tells his father or his mother, ‘What you would have gained from me is given to God,’

6 he need not honor his father.” So for the sake of your tradition you have made void the word of God. MAT 15:4-6

3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”

Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God commanded you, that your days may be long, and that it may go well with you in the land that the Lord your God is giving you. DEU 5:16

Kiddushin 40a:5

Rava cites the source for each of these assertions. With regard to honoring one’s father and mother, it is written: “That your days may be long, and that it may go well with you” (Deu 5:16), which indicates that one is rewarded in this world. With regard to acts of loving kindness it is written: “Whoever pursues righteousness and kindness shall find life, righteousness, and honor” (Pro 21:21), all of which apply in this world.

Every one of you shall revere his mother and his father, and you shall keep my Sabbaths: I am the Lord your God. LEV 19:3

Rashi

Every one of you shall revere his mother and father—Every one of you shall revere his father and his mother. This is the literal sense. Its Midrashic explanation, however, is as follows: Since Scripture says, “Every one of you shall revere . . .” we know only that this law applies to a man, whence do I know that this applies also to a woman? Because Scripture states, תִּירָאוּ you shall revere, using the plural form, it is evident therefore that it speaks here of two (man and woman). But if this be so, why does it say, “Every one of you . . . ?” Because it is the man who has the means to do it, whilst the woman is under the control of others namely her husband (Kiddushin 30b; Sifra, Kedoshim, Section 1 3).

Every one of you shall revere his mother and his father—Here Scripture mentions the mother before the father because it is manifest to him that the child fears the father more than the mother and therefore by mentioning the mother first Scripture stresses the duty of fearing her. In the case of honoring one’s parents, however, Scripture mentions the father before the mother because it is manifest to him that the child honors the mother more than the father because she endeavors to win him over by kindly words. Therefore by mentioning the father first Scripture emphasizes the duty of honoring him (Kiddushin 30b-31a).

And you shall keep my Sabbaths—Scripture places the commandment of observing the Sabbath immediately after that of fearing one’s father in order to suggest the following: “Although I admonish you regarding the fear due to your father, yet if he bids you: ‘Desecrate the Sabbath,’ do not listen to him”—and the same is the case with any of the other commandments. This, it is evident, is the meaning since Scripture adds—

I am the Lord your God (the plural)—Both you and your father are bound to honour me! Do not therefore obey him if it results in making my words of no effect (Bava Metzia 32a; Sifra, Kedoshim, Section 1 10).—Now, what constitutes “fear”? That one should not sit in his seat, nor speak in his stead (when he is expected to speak), nor contradict his words. And what constitutes “honor”? One must give the parents food and drink, clothe them and put on their shoes, and accompany them when they enter or leave (Kiddushin 31b).

25 You shall not eat it, that all may go well with you and with your children after you, when you do what is right in the sight of the Lord.

Makkot 23b:2

Rabbi Shimon bar Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi says that as the verse states: “Only be steadfast to not eat the blood, as the blood is the soul” (Deu 12:23), it can be derived a fortiori: And if with regard to the blood, which a person’s soul loathes, one who abstains from its consumption receives a reward for that action, as it is written in a subsequent verse: “You shall not eat it, that all shall go well with you and with your children after you” (Deu 12:25); then concerning robbery and intercourse with forbidden relatives, which a person’s soul desires and covets, one who abstains from their performance and overcomes his inclination, all the more so that he and his children and the children of his children until the end of all generations will merit a reward.

Rashi

You shall not eat it—This is a prohibition against eating of the blood contained in the limbs (Keritot 4b).

That all may go well with you . . .—Go and learn how great is the grant of reward for keeping the divine commandments: if in the case of blood for which the soul of man feels a loathing, he who keeps aloof from it obtains merit for himself and for his children after him, how much the more is it so in the case of robbery or forbidden sexual relations for which the soul of man may feel a longing (Makkot 23b).

28 Be careful to obey all these words that I command you, that it may go well with you and with your children after you forever, when you do what is good and right in the sight of the Lord your God. DEU 12:25, 28

3 Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you.

10 If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love.

John Gill

If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love—Not that their continuance in the heart’s love and affection of Christ depended upon their observation of his commands; for as the keeping of them is not the cause or reason of the saints having an interest in the love of Christ, so it is not the cause or reason of their abiding in it; but to such that observe the commandments of Christ he will continue to make further discoveries of his love, and let them see more clearly and largely what a value he has for them, and how much he loves them: or the sense is, that by keeping the commandments of Christ, his disciples and followers show that they love him, and continue in their affection to him:

Just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love—The commandments of the Father kept by Christ were not only the precepts of the moral law, and the rites of the ceremonial one, which he strictly observed; but the preaching of the gospel, and submitting to the ordinances of it, doing of miracles, and laying down his life for his people; in performing which, as his Father testified his approbation of them, and how strongly he was affected to him, what an abiding he had in his love; so Christ hereby showed his constant and continued love to his Father; and which was done by him, that the world, as well as his disciples, might know how much he loved him; see Joh 14:31.

14 You are my friends if you do what I command you. JOH 15:3, 10, 14

John Gill

You are my friends—This is an application of the foregoing passage, and more, clearly explains it. The character of “friends,” is applied to the disciples of Christ; and belongs, not only to his apostles, but to all that love him, believe in him, and obey him; to whom he has showed himself friendly, by laying down his life for them: for this clearly shows, that Christ had respect in the former words, to his own laying down his life for his people, in consequence of his great love to them; whereby he has made them friends, and who appear to be so by their cheerful obedience to him:

If you do what I command you—Not that their doing of the commandments of Christ interested them in his favour; or made them his friends; or was the reason and motive of his laying down his life for them, and showing himself in such a friendly manner to them: but the sense is, that by observing his commands from a principle of love, they would make it appear that they were his friends, being influenced by his grace, and constrained by a sense of his love in dying for them, to act such a part.

28 Be careful to obey all these words that I command you, that it may go well with you and with your children after you forever, when you do what is good and right in the sight of the Lord your God. DEU 12:25, 28

Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. COL 3:20

4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. EPH 6:1-4

Continuing from how a husband and wife should relate with each other, the apostle Paul turns to children and parents. He focuses particularly on fathers. If we have believed the gospel and our lives have been transformed by Christ, all our relationships, including with our parents and our children, should reflect this. Even amidst brokenness and relational dysfunctions, the Bible gives instructions and promises for obedience. This can result in discipling godly generations to follow Christ.