LIFE TOGETHER Parents and Children: Children obey and honor their parents

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise),

John Gill

Honor your father and mother—This explains who parents are, and points at some branches of obedience due to them; for they are not only to be loved, and to be feared, and reverenced, their corrections to be submitted to, offences against them to be acknowledged, their tempers to be bore with, and their infirmities covered; but they are to be honoured in thought, word, and gesture; they are to be highly thought of and esteemed; they are to be spoken to, and of, very honourably, and with great veneration and to be behaved to in a very respectful manner; and they are to be relieved, assisted, and maintained in comfortable way when aged, and in necessitous circumstances; and which may be chiefly designed. So the Jews explain, “the honor” due to parents, by, “giving them food, drink,” and “clothing,” unloosing their shoes, and leading them out and in. Compare with this 1Ti 5:4, 17 (see Gill on Mat 15:4);

This is the first commandment with a promise—It is the fifth commandment in the decalogue, but the first that has a promise annexed to it: it is reckoned by the Jews the weightiest of the weightiest commands of the law; and the reward bestowed on it, is length of days, as follows.

3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” EPH 6:1-3

If children obey and honor their parents, God promises to bless and reward them. They will experience and enjoy full and long lives. This is because obedience to parents is right. While many of us are no longer children who are dependent on our parents, the command to honor them remains. We can honor them in how we relate with them and how we talk about them with others. How does honoring your father and mother look like for you? How have you experienced the benefits of this commandment?

Every one of you shall revere his mother and his father, and you shall keep my Sabbaths: I am the Lord your God. LEV 19:3

Rashi

Every one of you shall revere his mother and father—Every one of you shall revere his father and his mother. This is the literal sense. Its Midrashic explanation, however, is as follows: Since Scripture says, “Every one of you shall revere . . .” we know only that this law applies to a man, whence do I know that this applies also to a woman? Because Scripture states, תִּירָאוּ you shall revere, using the plural form, it is evident therefore that it speaks here of two (man and woman). But if this be so, why does it say, “Every one of you . . . ?” Because it is the man who has the means to do it, whilst the woman is under the control of others namely her husband (Kiddushin 30b; Sifra, Kedoshim, Section 1 3).

Every one of you shall revere his mother and his father—Here Scripture mentions the mother before the father because it is manifest to him that the child fears the father more than the mother and therefore by mentioning the mother first Scripture stresses the duty of fearing her. In the case of honoring one’s parents, however, Scripture mentions the father before the mother because it is manifest to him that the child honors the mother more than the father because she endeavors to win him over by kindly words. Therefore by mentioning the father first Scripture emphasizes the duty of honoring him (Kiddushin 30b-31a).

And you shall keep my Sabbaths—Scripture places the commandment of observing the Sabbath immediately after that of fearing one’s father in order to suggest the following: “Although I admonish you regarding the fear due to your father, yet if he bids you: ‘Desecrate the Sabbath,’ do not listen to him”—and the same is the case with any of the other commandments. This, it is evident, is the meaning since Scripture adds—

I am the Lord your God (the plural)—Both you and your father are bound to honour me! Do not therefore obey him if it results in making my words of no effect (Bava Metzia 32a; Sifra, Kedoshim, Section 1 10).—Now, what constitutes “fear”? That one should not sit in his seat, nor speak in his stead (when he is expected to speak), nor contradict his words. And what constitutes “honor”? One must give the parents food and drink, clothe them and put on their shoes, and accompany them when they enter or leave (Kiddushin 31b).

15 Whoever strikes his father or his mother shall be put to death.

Rashi

Whoever strikes his father or his mother—Because Scripture has taught us that he who inflicts a wound upon his fellow-man is liable for damages (cf. Rashi on Exo 21:24) but is not subject to death, it was compelled to state that whoever strikes his father is subject to the death penalty (Mekhilta d’Rabbi Yishmael 21:15:3). He is, however, not punishable with death except for a blow which causes a wound (Sanhedrin 85b).

His father or his mother—Either this one or that one (Mekhilta d’Rabbi Yishmael 21:15:2).

Shall be put to death—By strangulation (Mekhilta d’Rabbi Yishmael 21:15:4).

17 Whoever curses his father or his mother shall be put to death. EXO 21:15, 17

Rashi

Whoever curses his father or his mother—Why was this said? Since Scripture says (Lev 20:9), “anyone, anyone who curses his father or his mother shall surely be put to death.” From there I know only that if a man curses his father he is punishable with death. Whence do I know that this is also the case if a woman curses his father? Scripture therefore states here, “Whoever curses his father or his mother”—whoever generally—intimating that it applies to both man and woman (Mekhilta d’Rabbi Yishmael 21:17:1). But if this be so why is it said (Lev 20:9), “anyone who curses”? To exclude a minor.

Shall be put to death—By stoning. Wherever it says: “his blood is upon him,” it means that he is to be put to death by stoning. The following in the passage from which this is evident (Lev 20:27): “with rocks they shall stone them; their blood shall be upon them”—and as regards whoever curses his father (Lev 20:9), Scripture indeed uses the words: “his blood is upon him” (Mekhilta d’Rabbi Yishmael 21:17:3; Sanhedrin 66a).

If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, and, though they discipline him, will not listen to them . . . DEU 21:18

Rashi

Stubborn—סוֹרֵר (from the root סָר to deviate) means, one who deviates from the proper path of life.

Rebellious—מוֹרֶה means, one who is disobedient to the words of his father, of the same meaning as מוֹרֶה in the word מַמְרִים meaning “to rebel” (see Deu 9:7).

They shall discipline him—Warn him in the presence of three people, and then they must have him lashed through the court (Sanhedrin 71a; cf. Sifrei Devarim 218:11). The stubborn and rebellious son is not liable to the death penalty until he proves to be a thief and eats at one meal a “tartemar” (a weight of half a maneh) flesh and drinks half a log of wine, as it is said of him (v. 20), “a glutton and a drunkard (זוֹלֵל וְסֹבֵא),” and in another passage (Pro 23:20) it says: “Be not among drunkards (בְסֹבְאֵי-יָיִן) or among gluttonous eaters of meat” (Sanhedrin 70a; cf. Sifrei Devarim 219:4). The stubborn and rebellious son is put to death on account of the final course his life must necessarily take—the law has fathomed his ultimate disposition: in the end he will squander his father’s property and seeking in vain for the pleasures to which he has been accustomed, he will take his stand on the crossroads and rob people, and in some way or other make, himself liable to the death penalty. Says the law, “Let him die innocent of such crimes, and let him not die guilty of them” (Sanhedrin 72a; Sifrei Devarim 220:3).

Hear, my son, your father’s instruction,

and forsake not your mother’s teaching . . . PRO 1:8

Berakhot 35b:2

Rabbi Hanina bar Pappa said: Anyone who derives benefit from this world without a blessing, it is as if he stole from God and the community of Israel, as it is stated: “Whoever robs his father or his mother and says, ‘That is no transgression,’ he is a companion to a man who destroys” (Pro 28:24). The phrase, his father, refers to none other than God, as it is stated: “Is not he your father, who created you, who made you and established you” (Deu 32:6). The phrase his mother refers to none other than the community of Israel, as it is stated: “Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching” (Pro 1:8). The mention of the teaching as emanating from the mouth of the mother, apparently means that your mother is the community of Israel.

Pesachim 50b:11

As the mishna discusses the requirement to observe local customs, the Gemara relates: The residents of Beit She’an were accustomed not to travel from Tyre to market day in Sidon on the Sabbath eve. In deference to the Sabbath, they adopted a stringency and would not interrupt their Sabbath preparations even for a short sea voyage. Their children came before Rabbi Yohanan to request that he repeal this custom. They said to him: Due to their wealth, it was possible for our fathers to earn a living without traveling to the market on Friday; however, it is not possible for us to do so. He said to them: Your fathers already accepted this virtuous custom upon themselves, and it remains in effect for you, as it is stated: “Hear, my son, your father’s rebuke and abandon not your mother’s teaching” (Pro 1:8). In addition to adhering to one’s father’s rebuke, i.e., halakha, one is also required to preserve his mother’s teaching, i.e., ancestral customs.

Rashi

Hear, my son, your father’s instruction—What the Holy One, blessed be he, gave Moses in writing and orally.

Your mother—Heb. אמך like אמתך, your nation, the nation of Israel, as in (Eze 19:2): “What a lioness was your mother meaning your nation!” These are the words of the scribes, which they innovated and added and made safeguards for the law.

And he went down with them and came to Nazareth and was submissive to them. And his mother treasured up all these things in her heart. LUK 2:51

John Gill

And he went down with them—From the temple, and from Jerusalem, which were on high ground:

And came to Nazareth—Where he, and his parents, had lived ever since their return from Egypt:

And was submissive to them—For though he thought fit to let them know, or, at least, put them in mind, that he had a Father in heaven, whose business he came about, and must do, and therefore did not judge it necessary to ask their leave to stay at Jerusalem on that account; yet, as man, and willing to set an example of filial subjection to parents, he went along with them, and showed all dutiful respect to them, yielding a ready and cheerful obedience to their commands, living with them, and working under them, and for them: and so he continued till he was about thirty years of age:

And his mother treasured up all these things—For this relates not only to the words of Christ, but to the whole history of his staying behind them at Jerusalem, of his sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions, to the astonishment of all. These things she treasured up, and preserved,

In her heart—That is, in her memory; so the word is used in Jewish writings. It is reported of R. Meir, that

“he went to intercalate the year in Asia, and there was no Megillah (the book of Esther) there, and he wrote it, “out of his heart,” (i.e. out of his memory), and read it.”

But if a widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents, for this is pleasing in the sight of God. 1TI 5:4